When to End a Relationship

You can not remain self-loving while remaining in an unhealthy relationship. As you grow healthier and begin to take responsibility for your own life you will no longer need or desire a relationship with an unhealthy partner. The key to leaving a relationship is knowing when to leave. Sometimes, because we believe there may be hope, or because of our circumstance, we prolong leaving. If you are ambiguous about leaving for these reasons or because it is just not comfortable these may help.

• If you are suffering from mental or physical abuse you have stayed too long. Leaving is always appropriate when your well-being is in jeopardy.

• If the relationship does not allow for growth it is time to leave. A relationship that can not change, grow, or move will wither and die. Is your partner making an earnest effort? Are you? The measure of effort should be judged by action not words. What story do the actions tell? Try to recognize when change is genuine or simply empty promises providing false hope.

Sometimes we stay because of a misplaced sense of loyalty or because of guilt. We settle for a bad relationship because we do not want to hurt our children. Remember we are teaching our children how to love by example. What they learn from you will be continued in their lives and possibly their children's lives.

Why We Leave

Leaving one relationship for another is NOT a good reason to leave. Take the time to examine what has happened in your relationship so that you do not jump from one unhealthy situation to another.

If you know you must leave but are finding it difficult to do so here are some suggestions that may help:

• Create a complete life. Enlarge your circle of activities so that this loss will not carry so much importance.
  

• Work to build your self-esteem. The better you feel about yourself the less you will need an unhealthy relationship.
  

• Join a support group or talk with a supportive friend. You need to reinforce your decision when you are feeling lonely or down.

If leaving all at once is too overwhelming use these strategies to help:

• Slowly disengage. You can set a goal to leave and progress at your pace to do so.
  

• Consider staying long enough to learn how to practice new, healthier behaviors. We can not change another but we can change ourselves and, in doing so, we will interact with others differently.

Our relationships are lessons for teaching us about ourselves. Some people come into our lives and stay for a lifetime of lessons, some stay for a period of time, and some but for a moment. All are precious gifts. You've heard "When the pupil is ready the teacher will come". Along with this please consider "When the lesson is learned the teacher will disappear".

Life and love are about growth. When you have grown past the lesson you must let go and move on. If you've made an effort and nothing seems to work let go with kindness and love.

Remember this. Endings are ALWAYS opportunities to begin anew. Wondrous moments lie ahead. Trust and have faith that everything will work out. I assure you it will.

Not Sure? Want to Give it Another Try?

If you are not sure you want to leave yet and feel you must give it another try here are some resources to help you do it the right way!

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